Abuse in normal relationships

Abuse in normal relationships is unfortunately very common. Why is this? Because most people enter relationships either as immature people or people who have serious issues.

Immature partners will create an explosive environment for two reasons. Firstly, they don't know who they are, what they want in life and what they want out of the relationship. The relationship is an escape. Because these people do not know who they are, they also cannot express who they are. Hence, the communication between such two people is very limited and poor. Additionally, because they do not know who they are, they are constantly changing in a search for who they are, and this is very confusing for both parties. Further, because these people seem to be guided by short term goals rather than long term goals, an atmosphere is being brought about, where both parties will think: "Don't you worry, I'll get what I want." This is where the abuse starts: Poor communication, short term goals with the intention to put this goals into effect. It is easy to imagine what a relationship of this kind will be like. This is not to say that a mature relationship is easy, but an immature one is impossible.

Partners who have serious issues (such as psychological problems or material problems), are very similar to immature partners. Their issues prevent them from forming good communication skills and the ability to address issues and resolve them. However, while an immature relationship is explosive, a relationship where people have serious issues is like a volcano. As long as a relationship is seen an escape from something, it will never be totally functional. Clearly, the majority of relationships are not quite functional, which goes to prove that most relationships are an escape from something.

Is there more abuse coming from men than from women. It seems that the opinions differ, but I would expect it to be fairly similar. However, men tend to be quicker when the abuse becomes physical and hence it looks like men are more abusive. I find it difficult to decide whether I should consider physical abuse to be worse than emotional abuse. However, Amnesty International considers psychological torture to be the worst. Still, any abuse is simply not acceptable.

We still live in a world, where love is considered the answer to all problems, but it is not. Love may be an answer when all other problems have been resolved by ourselves.

Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl