The "Don'ts" towards a successful relationship

It is actually possible to avoid a relationship with someone dysfunctional and to build and maintain a healthy and successful relationship if you follow these Don'ts. Note, as such there are three stages. First the date, then the other and then the partner stage. If someone does not move from one stage to the next, you can suspect that there are serious problems within the next stage. For instance, someone who has a dysfunctional family setting will not move to the partner stage unless your personality has been sufficiently corrupted. A date will be reluctant to move to the other stage if (s)he has been lying unless (s)he feels sure that you are desperate enough to accept this in the next stage. Someone who is worried about a thorough scrutiny during dating, will attempt to skip this stage and will attempt to go for the partner stage straight away.

I set the time frame for the dating stage to be something between 2 weeks and 1 month. If it doesn't click by then, there doesn't seem to be much point. The other stage could be something around 1 year, maybe two years. The partner stage is supposed to last. So there is no time frame.

Think of dating a bit like job seeking and job interviewing where both of you take on both roles. There are probably worse and better candidates, but if one falls through, there are still plenty of others. There might be The right (wo)man out there, but it seems much more likely that are a few equally suited candidates for each position. If you are lucky enough to find a suitable candidate and if you are suitable candidate yourself and if you make it through to stage 3 (partner stage), you might want to call her or him your True Love.

Saying this, we still live in a world full of corruption and hence almost every individual will be dilapidated sooner or later in one way or another. Clearly, it will prove difficult to have a fully functional relationship with someone who is dilapidated. Additionally, we face the fact that it might also happen to us rendering us dysfunctional too. So the whole issue is rather very complicated. Still, here are the Dont's which could be seen as benchmarks.

The date

The other

The partner


Do never accept abuse and never abuse the other
(abuse is the intention to hurt the other without reasonable provocation by the other)

Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl


Chameleon Group of Composers © 2007